PSALM 119:54 - THE THEME OF MY SONG

Since I gave up all of my struggling

and gave You control of my life,

You have been faithful to stay right beside me.

You’re with me through joy and through strife.

You never promised me that there’d be no pain,

But said You’d stay with me and I would never be alone again.

You promised me everything would work out right

For those who love You, Lord Jesus, who live in Your light.

There once was a time when I simply ignored You,

pretended I just didn’t care.

But then when I realized the joy I was missing

and called out Your name, You were there.

You never left me, Lord, though I tuned you out;

And when I got back on my knees and prayed,

You took away my doubt.

You’re the only one who could love me that way.

I’m Yours forever, Lord. I know that You’ll stay.

            The poem above is really a song lyric.  I wrote it not long after my husband left me.  My husband and I had been out of church for quite some time after the church we had been members of went through some drastic changes. After a 5½ year engagement, we had married, bought a house, and I thought were beginning the “happily ever after” stage of life.  Five days before our first anniversary my husband announced over dinner that he was leaving.  I thought he meant on a business trip.  When he clarified by saying he just didn’t want to be married anymore, I thought I might choke to death on my steak.

        After he left, I began to talk to God.  No, I began to yell at God.  I told him it wasn’t fair for me to be going through this.  I was a good girl.  I didn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs.  I was a virgin bride and married a man who was active in church.  I’d done everything the “right” way. Surely God wouldn’t let me go through divorce!  Somewhere in the midst of screaming out my pain to him, God reminded me that I was the one who had not been seeking him.  He’d been there all along and was listening to me at that moment.  Jesus was the one who would be there for me when all human companionship failed.

        My first wedding anniversary found me in church listening to a sermon on God’s desire to reconcile us to himself.  I found myself in a group of people who loved me and encouraged me to read God’s word more consistently than I ever had before.  I learned that God never promised us a life free from pain but has promised us the comfort of his presence in our lives.  I learned my own free will and the free will of others often leads to wrong choices that create suffering, but ultimately God is in control.  I found comfort in God’s word and memorized a scripture song that became the testimony of my life: “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him” (Psalm 28:7 KJV).  May God’s truth always be the theme of my song.