LIVE IT: Sow encouragement into a marriage (especially yours) today.
The Lord spoke strongly against divorce in the passage from Mark. God intended marriage to be for life because he knew that it is a joining not only of two lives but two families. I know the pain of divorce firsthand since my husband left me five days before our first wedding anniversary. I remember walking through my house like a zombie the next day. The firemen thought I was crying because my add-on den was under water. They assured me they could water-vac most of it. The neighbor girl came over to sell magazines for a school fundraiser but stopped in mid-sentence when she saw my tears. She said, "You don't need to hear about magazines today: you need to talk to my mother. Whatever it is, my mom is good with people who are hurting." Praise the Lord for that 13-yr-old girl! She took me by the hand and led me to her mother's bedroom. Then her mother (an evangelist's wife) came and comforted me. She invited me to FBC Euless that Sunday (my 1st wedding anniversary). Jimmy Draper as preaching on reconciliation to God. I realized God was speaking to me through that sermon. No matter what my husband chose to do, I needed to reaffirm my relationship with Christ and yield more completely to His control. I joined the church that morning.
I remember my niece, then 6 years old, asking, "Aunt Susie, doesn't Unlce Steve love us anymore?" I wasn't the only one who felt rejected. How do you explain to a 6-yr-old that he may still love her but wouldn't feel comfortable coming to see her? That makes no sense. If you love someone, you're there for them. But I know I missed Steve's family but would have felt awkward traveling to Esteline to see his granny even though she made clear to me that I was always welcome in her home.
I asked Steve to go to counseling with me, but his mind was made up. At this point, I didn't know there was another woman involved. That lack of knowledge was by the grace of God because I was so weak at that time I might have hurt someone had I known. By the time I found out almost two years later that Steve had remarried four months after the divorce was final, I had undergone much healing from the Lord and learned the importance of forgiveness. God is good. Divorce was not good, nor was it what God intended for my husband and me. Divorce is not God's will for us. However, God has used my singleness for his glory; and I am thankful.
What would I say to my married friends, relatives, and especially my son?
1. Marriage takes committment and hard work. WORK AT IT!
2. Watch the movie "Fireproof", get the "Love Dare" book, and JUST DO IT!
3. Pray for and with your spouse DAILY!
4. STAY IN A BIBLE TEACHING CHURCH!
5. Make time for each other even if it means paying a sitter or turning down overtime pay.
DATE NIGHTS!
6. Talk, REALLY talk and LISTEN to each other. Not just uh-huh and hmmm while watching
TV, playing computer games, or reading. TURN IT OFF AND PUT IT DOWN!
7. Read God's word together or share what He is showing you in your own QUIET TIME.
One of the best illustrations I've ever heard for a Christian marriage involved a ladder. This is the type of ladder than can be climbed on both sides. Imagine the husband climbing one side and the wife the other. At the top is Jesus. If both parties are getting closer to Jesus, they are also getting closer together. If either one goes back down or even stands still while the other continues to climb, they are getting farther apart. Both of you need to keep moving closer to Christlikeness. Being conformed to the image of Christ is always in God's will. Work on your own relationship to the Lord and encourage your spouse in his/her walk.
I wrote the following song many years after my divorce. I was at a retreat and still feeling the rejection and the stigma of being divorced, but God reassured me of his constant love for me through many events at the retreat. So, if you have already been divorced or are currently going through a divorce, know that God still loves you and wants to heal the hurts caused by the sin of unfaithfulness.
I Am His Treasure
Autumn Singles Retreat 1996
When I felt rejected, abandoned, and unloved,
I felt like someone’s garbage on the curb out by the street.
Then Jesus picked me up, held me in His arms,
and whispered that He’d always treasure me.
I am His treasure...He bought me with a price.
He treasures me...He paid with His own life.
The price was costly...The Father gave His Son.
And to think He would have done it if I’d been the only one...
I am His treasure.
I look into the mirror, and I don’t like what I see.
Then Satan whispers to my heart that no one could love me.
But it matters not if anyone ever sees my worth
because Jesus says He’ll always treasure me.
(chorus)
It’s not because of what I’ve done or who I have become.
I did not earn His love through worthy deeds.
For ’though He sees beyond my words and looks into my thoughts,
it’s by God’s grace that Jesus treasures me.
(chorus)
You are His treasure...He bought you with a price.
He treasures you...He paid with His own life.
The price was costly...The Father gave His Son.
And to think He would have done it if you’d been the only one...
You are His treasure.
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